Category: family

I always put my coat on to answer the door just in case it’s any of my in-laws, then I can say; “Sorry, I was just on my way out” and barge past them.

The worst two things about a mother-in-law are her faces.

My wife just asked me what i would do if she was kidnapped? I asked her if she’d ever seen that Liam Neason film ‘taken’? ….. I told her i’d watch that.

With so many unwanted cats and dogs roaming the streets… I won’t bother with a turkey this Christmas.

My mother in law made a visit today. “So,” I said. “How long are you going to stay?” She said, “As long as you want me to.” I said, “Oh, you’re not even going to stay for coffee?”

Roses are red Violets are blue Your sister said no How about you?

Welcome to the Family Planning Clinic; Please use the rear entrance

Every time I walk in front of the TV when Jeremy Kyle is on, my wife tells me to get out of the way or she’ll kick me in the nuts. I just ignore it as I don’t pay any attention to idle threats.

My mother belongs to the Saudi Arabian school of photography. Every time she takes a picture she cuts people’s hands & feet off.

We may have our differences, but I do sometimes envy the mother-in-law. She always could grow a moustache faster than me.

I’m in a relationship with a woman old enough to be my mother. She’s my mother.

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.”

A young 12 year old girl is being tucked into bed by her mother .The mum say’s “Now then Jenny if you pray really hard tonight your wish will come true tomorrow! ” Jenny says “Ok mummy , ” and off she goes to sleep. The next morning Jenny wakes up and screams ” MUMMY! […]

Your mamma’s so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed the whole first season of Lost.

I went to meet my girlfriend’s family today. “Nice to meet you Dave,” my girlfriends sister smiled. “I’ve heard lots about you”. “Likewise,” I replied. “Hows the Gonorrhea?”