Category: family

My wife and kids are my heart and soul. They’re slowly being destroyed through my alcoholism and heroin addiction.

My wife always smashes up our furniture when she’s depressed. She’s a shelf-harmer.

I just got a call from my 8 year old sons teacher.Apparently he has been charging girls 25 cents to touch his ‘special area’ The worst part was he was taking away my business.

If I ever have more kids in my household than adults I’ll explain to them about democracy. I’ll say that the majority group in the house gets to decide things: what food we buy, where we go to have fun and what t.v. channel. Once they’re excited that they’ll be able to always take the […]

I’m really worried because my 13 year old daughter claims to have slept with ‘countless’ men. What sort of 13 year old can’t count to 107?

A man walked up to view the body of his mother-in-law at a funeral. As he began to weep his wife walked up to him, slapped him and said, “Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway!” The husband replied, “I know. I thought I saw her move.”

I just did my best Sean Connery impression to my dad He replied with a very impressive impersonation of Roger Moore That’s father and son Bonding.

My daughter’s headmaster keeps telling me what a naughty girl she is. Personally, I’m the luckiest man on Sickipedia.

Got no comeback for that one have you mate? Well if you want my come back, just wipe it off your mum’s chin!

My dad’s tall and my mum’s small, I am medium. My dad’s black and my mum’s white, I’m half caste. My dad’s muscley and my mum’s skinny, I am average. My dad’s male and my mum’s female, I’m now very worried.

My mum asked me to stay downstairs and keep an eye out for a parcel being delivered. I said, “No way! I’m busy playing upstairs!”. She told me to bring whatever I was playing with downstairs. She didn’t know what to make of it when I returned with my sister.

I came over a bit strange at work today, felt so disoriented I nearly fell off my ladder. The mother in law must have had a dizzy spell.

I was told earlier today that i’m impossible to please I must say, i wasn’t very happy after hearing that

My nan doesn’t like it when I kick the back of her chair really hard. She goes off her rocker.

I can imagine the family portraits in the Wheres Wally household are pretty interesting. Probably just a photo of a couch and a lamp.