Category: family

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

I’m the youngest of 3, my parents are both older.

I tried to be Friends With Benefits with myself. It turns out I wanted more, but I didn’t.

I grew up without having a dad and it made me mature quicker, more independent and stronger. That’s why I’m ditching my kids, it’s for their own good.

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it can buy you divorces. Good enough right?

My spouse absconded from me as a result of my impulsion to utilise a synonym reference book upon the entirety of my colloquy

I’m well excited, I think my wifes taking me on a surprise holiday; I overheard a couple of work colleagues talking about how she’s packing my bags. It’ll be good for us since our marriage has been on the rocks for a while now.

John: I am a man of few words Bill: I am married too

At the age of six I was left an orphan. What kind of idiot gives an orphan to a six-year-old?

I bought the Mother-in-Law a lovely chair for her birthday. If she’d only plug it in…

I had a dream in which my wife was involved in a car accident and tragically killed… i woke up in tears that morning… …because i realized she wasn’t actually dead.

Your mums so fat that when she jumped in the air she got stuck.

My mother’s told me that I’ve inherited my grandfather’s genes. And his shirts and a packet of werthers.

I don’t need omega 3 pills to taste fish all day. I’ve got my wife for that.

Whenever I tell my wife that we’re leaving, I always say “Let’s bounce.” Not because I think it sounds better than “Let’s move.” I just like to remind her that she doesn’t have any legs.