Category: family

Wife: This is the worst thing you’ve ever done. Husband: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

No thanks Aero, if I really wanted to “feel the bubbles”, I’d just jump into the bath with my daughter like normal.

I prefer Friends to My Family…so that’s why I got kicked out of the house.

My dad wants me to go into the family mining business, but I’m not too keen. I think I’m above all that.

My teenage daughter slipped in the shower today. She should be thankful I was there to catch her.

My Grandad has re-invented the rocking chair. It rocks forward rather than backwards. It allows him to feign interest in people’s conversations.

My friend told me he loved homemade gifts for christmas.. Excitedly, I asked “which one of my kids do you want?”

My dad always said he would see me alright if he ever won the lottery. Well he won two million last week and kept true to his word. He’s had laser eye surgery.

real men cry….but REAL men kill all witnessess of them crying

How do you know when your mother-in-law is on her period? There’s blood on her broomstick.

A young boy was just being potty trained. When he went into the bathroom though, Tommy managed to hit everything but the toilet. So his mum had to go in and clean up after him. This went on for a further two weeks. His mother found this most annoying and she’d had enough. The next […]

my dad walked through the door this morning I told him to use the handle next time.

I could hear noises coming from my son’s bedroom tonight, so i looked in to see if he was alright. As soon as I walked in, he stared at me, stopped moving, and couldn’t string a sentence together. Turns out he was having a stroke.

My son walked down the stairs sad faced in a suit today. “Are you up in court again?” I snapped. “Everything has been going brilliantly for us the last few days, and now this!” “No Dad,” he frowned. “Its mums funeral today.”

My Grandad is going senile. When he saw a sign saying “Wet Floor”. He did!!!