Category: family

I said to my son, “Sorry I didn’t get you anything for your birthday, but on a totally un-related subject, you’re adopted.”

My wife is a travel agent for guilt trips.

My children take after my wife. They’re imaginary.

Me and my family buried my Grandma this morning… Her jokes just weren’t good enough

My wife has just had baby, were both so happy! But the most amazing thing is that my little boy,thanks to a genetic disease, was born black. It does not bother me one bit I still love my boy. I told my mate Leeroy about it and he seemed just as shocked as I was!

After searching for what seemed most of my life, I finally found my long lost brother. Now it’s my turn to hide.

Athletes run in my family..

I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, She’s dead.

I thought that mentioning that I had a young family at a recent social event would break the ice and help people warm to me, but when I introduced my 11 year old wife, the horrified look on their faces suggested otherwise.

I’m not saying that my parents hated me as a child, but my first christmas gift I can remember from them was a pair of scissors and running shoes.

When my wife was heavily pregnant, I still found her attractive. Although, I think this was due to the increase in gravity.

I take my daughter everywhere. But she always finds her way home.

My wife and I’ve just celebrated our Golden Wedding Anniversary. In all that time we’ve only ever had one argument. It started about 50 years ago.

Your mum is so slow that her de broglie wavelength is observable on Macroscopic scales.

When I saw your mum crossing the road, I ran out of petrol trying to drive around her.