Category: exercise

I’ve started a new exercise regime. 10 reps of sit ups holding a carrot, 5 reps of squats with a courgette in each hand, and 3 reps of lifting a heavy sack of potatoes. Sadly, my efforts have so far been fruitless…

Just been to the gym and there’s a new machine there. I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it’s great: it’s got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.

What do you call a fat I.T teacher? Megabite

It just occurred to me, the only fresh air I get is when I go outside for a cigarette.

If walking is supposed to be so good for you, why does my postman look like Jabba the Hut?

Supermarkets say, they are doing their best to stop obesity. If that was true they would have only made the biscuit isle a foot wide.

The wife’s just told me that she’s running away with Jim from next door. Good on her, that’s the first time she’s done any exercise in 20 years.

My friend Kevin is obese and has a lot of trouble holding down jobs so I help him out from time to time. I however am quite skinny and have a lot of trouble holding down girls so he helps me out from time to time. That’s what friends are for.

My wife bought me a fitness DVD called “10 Steps To The Body You Deserve”. It should be pretty easy, it takes me 4 steps just to get to the DVD player.

Now don’t get me wrong, i think race for life is a wonderful charity for women. I just can’t help but feel that the advert kinda gets ruined with that big fat bald bloke at the end of it…..

Walking home from work this evening I saw a man and woman out jogging. The woman, in typical fashion, hadn’t a clue how to jog properly. She was gasping for air and kept looking back over her shoulder towards her partner, while sobbing loudly. She wasn’t even dressed appropriately! What a loser.

I like picking fights with myself…………… the make-up masturbation is great

My wife has been fitness mad lately and to make her exercise more fun she asked me to buy her some of those Hoola Hoops. I wasn’t sure on which flavour so I just got the least fattening.

Does running late count as exercise?

I think ankle support is really good. They make mine feel a lot better about themselves.