Category: embarassment

My wife came into the same pub as me and my mates and walked up to me “look at you acting all cool as if you can’t be bothered talking to me” “sorry fatso do I know you?” I replied

Three men, one american, one mexican, and one chinese, were hiking in an unknown mountain. They suddenly discovered a big cave. So they each decided to test its echo. The american man shouted his name: “Tom” The echo replied: “Tom” The mexican man shouted his name: “Carlito” The echo replied: “Carlito” The Chinese man shouted […]

Angry Birds, the number one cause of hemorrhoids since 2009.

I’m typing this from my hospital bed and I’m having problems understanding the accent of my East European nurse, so a moment ago I simply smiled and nodded. Considering what is happening now, I hope he said “Do you want an enema?”.

Research shows that at least 99% of N-Dubz fan will get 3 GCSE’s Between them.

My girlfriend and midwife didn’t see the funny side to me wearing my t-shirt with the logo ” remember my name you’ll be screaming it later” when she whent into labour.

I accidentally liked a girls picture on facebook. Doesn’t help that it was of her Dad’s gravestone.

I saw this hot girl walking towards me, so I tried to impress her and stood next to this really expensive Ferrari. As she came closer to me….she said, “Excuse me” and got in her car and left.

I saw an old mate I hadn’t seen for ages. “How’s life in the fast lane?” I joshed. “Not too good mate. My wife was involved in a multiple pile up on the motorway.” Hush, my mouth.

Im glad that i dont have to go through Facebook to like these jokes… Otherwise everyone would know how sick i am

I farted in front of my new girlfriend’s mother last night. She was not impressed. I’ll try harder next time I see her, and make the fart louder and longer.

There’s feeling self-conscious … And there’s being a chimney sweep walking through Brixton.

If you sit on a toilet the other way round it’s like a little chair and table where you can secretly eat and cry.

Anyone else tried J20 after 8 pints of lager. I tried but still ended up going round the M25.

I was chatting up a girl in the pub last night, ” if I could rearrange the alphabet…”. ” Let me guess? You’d put U and I together.” she interrupted. ” no” I said, ” I’d be a better speller. I’m dyslexic”.