Category: definitions

I looked up “baffling” in the dictionary. The definition though was confusing…

Bridegroom. noun. A man with a fine prospect of happiness behind him.

Some really confident people say, ‘Nothing is impossible’ They clearly have not tried to staple water to a tree!

I didn’t know what irony was until I found out that the Inland Revenue tax office is based in Liverpool.

I asked my mate ”What does confidential mean?” ”It’s secret, keeping it to myself.” He replied. ”I only asked you a question, you dont have to be like that.”

What would you call the definition of surprise? Answer: A fart with a lump in it.

Free press: When your mum irons your trousers for you.

What word, seven letters long, begins with “n”, has “n” in the middle, ends with “n” and stands for constipation? “nnnnnnn!!”

The word “salary” comes from the latin word for salt as salt was often used to pay workers. That explains why I have to drink so much when I get mine.

What’s the definition of awkwardness? The Germans telling Podolski to hit the showers.

Masturbation: A temporary solution to a permanent problem

I now know the feeling of having mixed emotions…. My Dad just informed me, he has Cancer and “it’s heriditory.”…. My Mum then tells me “he’s not your Father!”

The definition of false economy: I spent thirty quid on oysters to get my girlfriend in the mood to swallow the same thing for nothing.

The definition of fear…waking from having your tooth filled to find kneeprints on the armrests of the dentist’s chair.

Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl at a party. You approach them and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising. […]