Category: children

Separating children by academic ability is cruel…. It always ends in tiers.

Kids, Don’t waste time looking before you cross the road – that ice cream van won’t wait forever.

If a orphan goes into KFC are they allowed to buy a family bucket?

My baby boy has been on solids for three and a half weeks This must be the slowest game of pool I’ve ever played.

I hate it when I see parents forcing their kids to have the same hobbies and interests as them from an early age. I’m going to let my son Obi Wan make his mind up once he’s old enough to decide for himself.

Asians. If you’re good at something there is always an eight year old Asian kid that can do it better.

I was driving my nerdy kid to school the other day, when he turned to me and said “Dad, how do I become cool, like you?” I said “Son, there’s 2 simple rules: 1 Always act cool, and 2 Never be seen with losers. Now, get out.” He said “But Dad, schools a half mile […]

When I have a kid, I’m going to buy one of those prams for twins. Then put the kid in it, and run around looking frantic.

Son: Mom, when me and daddy were on the bus this morning he made me give up my seat for some lady Mum: Well then you have done the right thing Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddys lap…

My wife and I have seven kids, which I’ll admit is an awful lot. But we’re committed, and we’re going to keep on trying until we get one we like.

We’re really hoping the baby will start walking today. If not, we’ll have to drive all the way back to Tescos to get it.

My wife thinks I’m too hard on the kids when it comes to punishment. If she has a problem with it, she should take it up with the discipline shark.

I was teaching my son farmyard Animals the other day! What noise does a sheep make? ”Baaaaahh” What noise does a cow make? “mooooo”” What noise does a pig make? ”I set fire, to the rain” Good Lad

We put our kids to sleep by tossing them in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.

I suppose I should be happy that I am going to be a father to an a new baby boy. But I am really going to miss all them hours standing outside school gates.