Category: children

My five-year old son went down a helter-skelter the other day, laughing as he went. “What a twisted sense of humour” I thought.

I was looking at my kids sleeping last night thinking, “Must get that gas leak fixed.”

Children in Need is raising awareness for Leukemia in young children. Sponsored by Marlboro.

After coming home from a school trip to the cinema, I had the following conversation with my wife: “I got a Woody from watching Toy Story 3 today.” “Oh really dear? Give it to the kids.” So, that your honour, is the reason why my wife is an accomplice.

What’s the difference between Batman and Madeleine McCann? Batman returns.

“Mummy’ the window cleaner is at the door. Are you going to pay him or shall I go out to play?”

I was in town earlier when a woman with a charity tin came up to me and said “Care to help children with cancer?” As much as I’d love to, I don’t really have the capital funding or the technology to accelerate malignant bone marrow cell growth. So I gave her a cigarette.

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside. Sadly this is a fact and not a legal loophole.

My wife told me that she would hate to see any harm come to our children. I said, “That’s why I wait ’til you’re at work.”

All this snowy weather is letting the little boy inside of me take control. To be honest, I quite like getting tied up while he rides me.

Just heard ex-nanny Louise Woodward is back in England and working at my local McDonald’s. All kids get a free shake.

I was on the phone to my brother when I gave it to my 5yr old son. After a minute of silence I took the phone back, apologised for my sons shyness and said my goodbyes. Then I turned to my son and said, “Why didn’t you speak to your uncle Terry, son?” He said, […]

After a day of playing in the snow with the kids, it was nice to get back in the house and snuggle up in bed with them and enjoy the comfort of the warm, cosy bed after our long day in the cold. Can’t wait till I have my own.

Things haven’t changed that much in the past twenty years. We used to play cowboys and Indians, and today I saw my son and his mate playing builders and call-centre operators.

Christmas was ruined for the kids last year with Nan dying suddenly like that. We relied on her for their bigger presents.