Category: children

I saved a fortune on a magician for my daughters birthday party. I told her he was wearing an invisibility cloak.

As I looked at our son, I said to my wife, “It’s amazing how much snot you can get up the nose of a one year old.” She said, “Will you stop doing that.”

What do down- syndrome babies and jelly babies have in common?? They all look the same and come in different colours.

I decided to sponsor a third world child. As it turns out he was too malnourished to finish the fun run so I didn’t pay him.

I told my younger brother that if a person flaps his arms long enough and hard enough then that person can actually fly. I just love seeing the sad expression on his face once he realises he cannot do it. You know, after having his arms amputated and all…

I’ve got two wonderful children – and two out of five ain’t bad.

My P.E Teacher: “That’s it, one more push and then you can rest. You’re using those muscles you’ve never used before”. Story of how I lost my virginity, aged 12.

Children should be seen but not heard. Which is why I’ve bought a ball-gag.

I bought some new Nike trainers today, I’m thinking of returning them, they look like they were made by a 7 year old!

Three Jelly tots and four down syndrome kids, let the game commence.

A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?” Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That’s confidential.”

I was supposed to be Godfather for my mates newborn, but putting a horses head in his cot wasn’t what my mate expected.

Kids really haven’t got a clue these days. Thanks to my new balaclava.

I found out yesterday that I have an 8 year old daughter and it moved me to tears. You should see what I owe the CSA.

Why should I be the one to take the kids to see their psychologist? I don’t even love them.