Category: children

Child locks. Preventing kids escaping from burning vehicles since the 1980s.

People always give me a funny look when I refer to my son as Thingamajig. But I had to give him a name I could remember.

The most fun time of my day is playing with my son at bathtime. But now he’s ten it’s hard for both of us to fit in.

This bloke in the mens toilets looked at me funny earlier when i used the urinal that was set lower down than all the others, despite other regular size ones being free. Although on reflection it could have been because his toddler was already using it at the time.

My kids are like marmite. For sale.

Broke back mountain is both my dad’s favourite film.

My son’s school project involved him collecting 30 leaves from different trees and bushes. ‘I really should have put a lock on my greenhouse.’ I thought, as I sat in the back of the police van.

My son invited his posh friend to his birthday party. I asked him, “What’s your favourite game, Tarquin?” He said, “Partridge, but I’m partial to grouse in season.”

The wife and I had an argument over kids again. I’ve wanted to have one for 5 years. She wants to keep one forever.

My son has just turned two and so I have just started toilet training. As soon as I can do it all by myself I’ll show him.

My neighbours daughter is an annoying little squirt, my bed sheets are soaked.

My baby nephew has been really whingy and whiney since he got rubber on his arm from the tread making machine at the michelin factory tour. He’s just tired.

Christmas has come early to my house. My daughter has just invited her school pals round for a pyjama party.

I took my twins into town today to get fitted for their first bras. They complained and said they will get teased at school, especially by the other boys in the football team.

“Your son just called me an old cow!” said my neighbour. “That’s disgraceful,” I said. “I keep telling him not to judge people by their appearance.”