Category: children

My 12 year old daughter says she is old enough to stand on her own two feet. So maybe for Christmas – I’ll sew them back on

I found out earlier that dead babies are being grounded up into a powdered tablet in China and being sold abroad as ‘stamina tablets’, each one containing about 99.7% human. I had never been so disgusted and outraged in all of my life, i’ve already taken 5 and I feel no different.

People often talk about the child within them, and I can totally relate to that, I always eat babies

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to squash with a hammer and the other is a fruit.

Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee

One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him […]

just got back from the hospital after having identicle twins. how am i supposed to pick a favourate now?

My plan for the snow: 1. Wait for my 8 year old neighbour to build a snowman 2. Wait for that to melt 3. Put a suicide note where it melted

Was anybody else disappointed that the boy wasn’t in the airship?

I was woken up this morning by the neighbours little boy kicking a football against the wall. I told him to stop that and come back to bed.

I added my daughter on facebook yesterday, now people will just laugh when she says “my daddy is poking me”

I bought a book of baby names today. Only read a few pages, but so far my favorites are ISBN 938-0325-57613 for a girl, and Copyright 2009 for a boy.

How do you get a child to stop wetting the bed? Give him an electric blanket

The phrase ” If you love someone you let them go, and if it was meant to be it comes back” doesn’t apply when holding your newborn baby, i recently found out.

My daughter came up to me the other day and said, ‘Dad, can I have a new pair of trainers?’ I said, ‘You’re twelve. Go to Taiwan and make some.’