Category: children

So my wife went all funny and got a bit upset when I bought our 13 year old daughter some veet hair removal cream for her birthday…

There was a familiar wake up call at 6.30 this morning. “DADDY. I done a toilet. Can you wipe me?” It was so cute. “I’ll do it this one last time, but you’re a big boy now and you must learn to do this yourself. Wow! Somebody has a messy bot bot” “Cut the chit […]

Was in the pharmacy today when a little girl pointed to a shelve of condoms and asked her dad “Daddy what are them sweets up there?” He replies “Sweets that I should have bought”

I was in Asda today and saw a mother struggle to smack her out of control child. So I politely asked her if she wants me to hold her basket, so she could use both hands.

So Mrs Beckham have given birth to a daughter weighing in at 7lbs 10oz I never realised a woman could give birth to a baby heavier than herself!!!

My son decided he wanted to leave home this morning and when my wife got in from work she started blaming my drinking as usual. I said, ” I know it was me that left the door open but he’ll be back. He’s got nursery tomorrow and he likes that”

What Disney taught me as a child ; If your Dad isn’t king, you’re an extra at best.

My 15 year old son is a mute, he cant read or write and has very little hearing capabilities. . . So i bought him a mobile phone to cheer him up.

Why is Santa so jolly? Because you’re adopted.

Raising kids is like being held hostage by midget terrorists!

However sad you feel… Just remember that, somewhere in the world, a fat kid has just dropped his ice-cream

BBC NEWS HEADLINE: ‘Sterling hits 19 month euro high’ So what your saying is, Old man hits druggy baby.

Don’t you love a child’s laughter? Much better than them screaming ‘Stranger’.

I resent being forced into complimenting my friend’s children for doing things that are simply part of being human and take no special skill. Can you believe how big Bobby is now? Oh wow, Bobby is so good at growing. You got a real grower there.

I said to my son, “what you doing?” “Maths homework.” I said, “Give us a question.” “What’s the lowest common denominator?” I said, “You’ll never find it, they were looking for that when I was at school.”