Category: children

With the growing rates of fossil fuels in our Economy, it will be the naughty kids who have the last laugh in a few years time.

My 20 year old son complained that I never let him grow up. He’s a beaker half empty kind of guy.

The new campaign for the NSPCC is called: “Change For Children” I’ll give them 50p to wash my car and a pound if they mow my lawn as well.

Went into an abortion clinic the other day. They boasted “Service with a smile!” God I love Henry Hoovers!

BBC News: “Are you a parent that struggles to help your children with their homework, We have ways to make it easier for you.” Yeah, don’t have a kid at 16.

My son said, “Look Daddy, I didn’t wet the bed! That’s the 5th time in a row!” I said, “Well done son, I’m proud of you. If you can manage just 9 more dry nights then I’ll take your mattress out of the shed and put it back in your bedroom”

I’m expecting a baby, if it doesn’t get here within half an hour I eat for free.

I fed my children some radioactive laxatives the other day….You should have seen their little faeces light up…….

The kids are off school this week, Not sure what I’m gonna do with myself at half 3.

I finally sat my 12 year old son down and had the talk with him. Now he understands why his mum lives in the kitchen.

I treat my kids like AM radio. I never listen to them.

I told my colleague at work earlier that I was concerned about my son after I caught him playing with Barbies. “Is it really such a big problem? I’m sure he’ll grow out of it” he said. “I doubt it” I replied, “He’s 36.”

I was in my car late last night with my 7 year old son, and he pointed at the Cats Eyes in the road and said, “Those diamonds look great daddy”, and I said, “What makes you think that they are diamonds?” “Don’t be silly daddy, everyone knows that this is a jewel carriageway.” he […]

I was with the wife earlier at Toys R Us , and she decided to pick up one of those Hula Hoops and give it a whirl. I’m not saying she’s fat but a little Boy who was playing with a Telescope nearby said “Look Mum, i can see Saturn”.

My parents hated me when I was a child. So much so, they got other kids to be in our home movies.