Category: children

My little sister got homework to draw things that don’t taste very nice. I thought I was busted for a second but it turns out,she was just drawing a banana.

I was at the pub with my mates the other day. After a few too many drinks I accidentally blurted out ‘I beat my kids!’ ‘At FIFA?’ one of my mates asked. Errrm, yes, ok. That’s exactly what I meant

My kids love the adventure playground. It keeps them amused for hours. One day I might even let them have a go, instead of making them watch from their bedroom window.

Today, a little kid that looked to be about five came up to me. He asked me,”Wanna see me run to China and back?” I said yes, thinking he was going to stand in the same spot and say,”Wanna see me do it again?”. Instead, he ran down the street and disappeared from sight. I […]

My wife and I recently decided to make a will. Our daughter Emma needs a brother to play with and we thought will was a nice name.

When I was a kid, we all played spin the bottle. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny. By the time I was 16 I owned my own house.

how many chickens crossed the road?

Kids are funny. My eleven year old has been quite happy to come home from school by himself, and be alone in the house for an hour or so until me or the wife finish work. But as soon as I mentioned the double murder that took place before we bought it, all of a […]

when someone drops their phone, i react as if they dropped a newborn baby. i laugh and i stamp on it

I had to give my son a few strokes with my belt today for using the ‘C’ word in public. I don’t care if ‘Chelsea’ is the name of a bun as well.

My kids got to see Puss in Boots tonight. I have terribly infected feet you see.

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak […]

News: Harper Seven Beckham is a “mixture” of her parents David and Victoria Beckham. Ok someone finally found a use for their GCSE Biology.

I sat as my wife was dying over her bed. “Dave,” she croaked. “Promise me…Promise you’ll make sure our children are well looked after.” “Don’t worry babe,” I replied. “I’ve already got a lovely couple lined up; they’ll be great foster parents.”

My wife said, “I don’t like your offensive jokes. They’re not funny, they’re disgusting and meaningless.” I said, “So are the kids. But you put up with them.”