Category: children

Parents, struggling in the current climate and sick of your kids bugging you for things? Save 3 a week by making your Phones ringtone the same as your local Ice cream vans melody.

‘Woman hides 3 baby bodies in wardrobe for 20years’ Police are looking to question Mr Tumnus, Aslan and the White Witch

My long term girlfriend looked furious when I told her I hated children and never wanted to have any. Especially as she had just told me she was pregnant.

I dont know why so many people hate it but I really love Twilight. Thats when i do all my raping.

I’ve learned the best way to sooth a crying baby is to not feed it, It’ll stop crying… Eventually

The Sun: “Worlds oldest conjoined twins: We have normal, separate lives” Im willing to bet they don’t

Turns out I have raised my 15 year old son really well, whenever I got to empty the bin in his room, he runs to the bin and says “don’t worry! I’ll do it” What a lovely son.

I don’t know if i’m a bit sick; but when you’re out shopping, does no one else find it funny when distracted toddlers walk into things… …like the road

The wife and I have different opinions on parenthood: I wanted to have a baby for 5 years… but she wants to keep it forever

During my first day of working at a nursery school, a member of staff asked me what I did to entertain the kids; my reply was “finger puppets”. You should have seen their faces after I repeatedly shoved my pinky in and out of Edd the Duck.

I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, “Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?”

BBC NEWS “All baby deaths must be probed” Can like anyone probe the dead babies? If so, I call dibs!

Has anyone seen those new speeding adverts? What I don’t understand is what that guy takes the dead kid everywhere with him?

I got into a philosophical discussion today. I argued, “We have no proof whatsoever of a God or a heaven. I strongly believe that when you die, you are buried in the ground and eaten by the worms. Any concept of a soul is scientifically impossible, and all thoughts and emotions are purely chemical illusions […]

I had a threesome with two young girls last night. They had a combined age of 19 so I presume what I did was completely legal.