Category: children

Thankfully the only time my wife will ever beat me is when we’re fighting for the custody of our children.

I’ve just seen an app on the app store called cooking with children! Sounds awesome but where do I get the kids from?

The only thing worse than child labour is child unemployment

A man being in a kitchen is like a necrophile in a nursery, it just isn’t right.

I just gave my newborn baby a bath. Drying him in a microwave didn’t go down well with the misus.

I was asked by my local community center to play simon says with the kids. According to the parents Simon does not say take off your clothes.

Kids these days… Getting older by the minute

The other day, my son was talking back to my wife. She asked him to do something and he said, “No! I don’t want to.” So I pulled him aside and said, “Son, you have got to teach me how to do that.”

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car – a Lamborghini Countach – she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She’s got a boy and a girl. As she’s driving down […]

When I was a kid, if I was ever naughty my mother would yell, “Just you wait untill your father gets back!” She knew it would upset me, because I knew and she knew he was never coming back.

My job is to deliver speeches on health and safety. I get really nervous before-hand, so my friend suggested picturing the audience in their underwear. It didn’t work at all; I was still nervous plus I got a raging hard-on. Then again, it was at my local primary school.

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks “excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?” The shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says “do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle […]

I thought I’d give my children a surprise this Christmas. So I didn’t buy them anything.

I hate these kids who play tag. They really think they’re it.

What is 12″ long and makes a woman moan all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.