Category: children

The proud father handed the baby to the priest for the christening. “And what name have you given this little boy?” asked the priest. “It’s a girl,” said the father out of the side of his mouth. “You’ve got hold of my thumb!”.

I believe in letting the inner child out… once they’ve earned their freedom

Children are like rules, Made to be broken.

I’m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they’ll never find me, because they aren’t old enough to drive or get into this pub.

Which brand of lager do orphans prefer ? Fosters.

My girlfriend has just text me : Fancie a bitt of annal tonite? Don’t get me wrong it’s a lovely text, but I don’t agree with an 8 year old having a mobile.

Punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

If there are children in need they should send them to my place. I’ve got a large donation I need to make.

I have one of those ‘Anti Bullying’ wrist bands … … I stole it from a fat ginger kid!

I’d like to name my kid a whole phrase, you know, something like ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’. That’ll be a cool name for a kid. “This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen”… Then when he gets out of hand I get to go “Ladies and Gentlemen, please!”

“He just ran into my car, it wasn’t my fault!” “Sir, you parked your car in a school playground.”

I’m watching my neighbours kids whilst they are away on holiday. If they leave that door unlocked, I’m in there.

I’ve always known that my parents always wanted the best for me. The carrier bag i was abandoned in as a baby was from Waitrose.

Two babies are in a pram together. “Are you a little girl or a little boy?” the boy asked. “I don’t know” the other baby replied. “Let me check” the boy giggled. So the boy went under the covers and came back up after several minutes. “Your a girl!” the baby proclaimed “Your so clever, […]

My daughter confessed that she had recently been sneaking out of the house at night to meet up with her friends. “It’s just so easy to sneak out,” she said jokingly, “you need to at least make it a challenge.” “Alright,” I said, playing along, “but only cause it’s you.” Then I hack-sawed her legs […]