Category: children

The wife and I decided to flip a coin to see what our newborn son should be called. He’s called Tails.

So, childhood obesity is on the rise. It not all doom and gloom , paedophilia levels must have decreased.

Two Girls One Cup. Some may call it sick, I just call it a good way to teach kids to share.

Sold my daughters virginity to a family member. She doesn’t know yet. Her uncle Steve won. That’s not MY brother, its my wife’s brother, in case you thought I was a sicko.

You’re never in the right with kids. First the daughter insisted that I sent the dog out. Now the son wants me to let mummy back in.

Due to a lack of funding, the ISPCC can only respond to half the problems faced by children… So basically, i have a 50-50 chance of getting away with it?

If you can’t beat ’em….. Why have kids?

The kids round my estate are so tough these days. I nearly broke my tooth on one today, fair to say I just need to add more gravy.

Breaking news: Gospel music group, The Priests are supposedly taking longer than expected in the studio finishing of an EP featuring covers of several MGMT songs. The problem seems to be that they keep tampering with ‘Kids’

Little Susie is on her grandparents’ farm for the first time. One evening, she sees her grandma plucking a chicken. “Grandma,” she asks, “do you undress the chickens every night?”

When push comes to shove, you’re probably delivering the baby wrong.

My wife claims that I treat one of our kids unfairly. “Which one?” I replied, “James Junior, or the girl one?”

I was sat on the bus today when a little girl nearby, who had been on the bus for a good hour, said to her mum, “I can’t feel my legs!” I leaned over and asked politely, “Can I?” And that’s when the police got involved.

When I was a kid I really wanted to be a fireman. Turns out I just enjoy breaking down doors with an axe.

I was holding my son above my head letting him pretend to be superman this morning. When he got bored he asked me to put him down. Luckily I had a needle and some pentobarbital sollution handy.