Category: charity

I found a poo stain in my boxers tonight. It’s fairly standard when you buy underwear from a charity shop.

I took part in Comic Relief tonight. I got a handjob off a clown.

After 8 pints of lager, I rang the hotline for Children in Need, and told the lady to get her calculator out, while I pledged a seven figure sum; 5,318,008. She thanked me for being so generous but asked why such an unusual figure. I told her to turn the calculator upside down and consider […]

November – the month of the year when a load of desperate attention seekers grow a moustache in the thinly veiled pretence that they are doing it for charity, when actually they think it will get girls to talk to them.

God must see my fat wife as a charity. He seems to be giving her body 2 pounds a month.

“From just 2 a month you can help change someone’s life.” Well, it worked for Joe McElderry….

A charity bag for ‘Kidney Research’ just came through my door, Instead of doing the usual and donating old clothes I decided to save them a lot of time and money and left them a little note instead… The kidneys are located behind the abdominal cavity in the retroperitoneum, The kidneys are paired organs with […]

I’m going out to spend the day having my photo taken kissing and hugging all the children I can find without any fear of being arrested. I love my Pudsey Bear costume.

My manager told me that it was “dress down day” today, in light of Comic Relief. So I pulled Susan’s dress down.

I went to the comic relief last night, and after realising this was a once in a life time opportunity i reached over, put my hands down and stroked the red carpet a couple of times. I don’t think Ann Robinson was too pleased though.

The Beatles: “All You Need Is Love.” Someone let Comic Relief know.

Despite the recession Comic Relief raised 57m. I’d love to see Lenny Henry’s face when my cheque for 55m bounces! Well worth the 40 quid charge.

Chris Evans is going down the London Sewer for Children In Need. No need, Chris. They have them on the surface as well, these days.

So, Comic Relief have raised over 20m yet again. Surely this year they’ll spend some of it on fly spray for those poor Ethiopians!

Don’t bother sending your children’s toys to Africa. Can you imagine how depressing it must be for those kids to receive a Tamagotchi that’s going to outlive them?