Category: charity

I’ve not been able to insult my wife since starting my new job withthe charity “The Dogs Trust” as we never put a dog down!

I hate the fact that they punctuate the comedy with serious unfunny sketches during Red Nose Day. My sides were splitting as I watched lots of black babies dying of Malaria when they spoiled it by sticking Michael McIntyre on.

Just 2 more Red Nose Days and we will finally have enough to buy Africa.

is it me, or are these malaria nets getting more expensive….

I love children in need, i only watch the really hilarious bits though, i turn it off when the comedians come on.

I try to donate to charity, but they keep bringing my kids back.

People give chuggers a hard time, but the job is not easy. I have enormous sympathy for them, so, every so often, I make eye contact.

I was approached by a member of Greenpeace in the street the other day and he told me that if I don’t donate 2 a month then people in Africa will die. I cant believe Greenpeace employ such violent people.

So i hear Jessie J will be performing for Children In Need this year with her hit Pricetag. Well if its not about the money they wont mind me not donating this year then.

Hugh Jackman is supporting a poverty campaign, encouraging the western world to try and live on just a pound a day. He looked really cool in his black limousine and Hugo Boss suit.

3 quid a month buys helium balloons to lift starving Africans kids up and away. I can then use the anti-aircraft gun I bought with the overseas aid.

Gordon Brown’s acting is as useless as his left eye

Please give generously to Comic Relief. Just 30 000 is enough to send a washed up, B-list comedian and a film crew on an all expenses paid holiday to Africa.

A black guy just said to me, “Who is that on your comic relief t/shirt?” “Don’t you know,” I replied.”Shakespeare?” ……Quickest black eye I ever got.

Wow Lenny, I havn’t seen a black man look so good next to Cotton since my great grandfathers plantation.