Category: books

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on band wagons. “Oh, everyone seems to be borrowing that one”

Shakespeare. Bullying kids since 1564.

Whenever I worry that I’ve been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.

A man goes up to Quasimodo from ‘The Hunchback of Notre-Dame’. He says, “Hey Quasi, what’s that lump in your pocket?” He replies,”It’s a photo of our kid…”

Susan Boyle has released her new autobiographical erotic book, so far its been critically panned for obvious reasons. It’s called “50 shaves a day”

Quick money making: Sell dictionaries to the Yanks, but call them “crossword answers”.

That Jeffrey Archer looks like he’s got a temper on him. I’d hate to be in his bad books.

I’ve just finished writting a song about my old girlfriend. It’s called “They’ll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away ‘Cause I’m Not Raking ‘Til Spring.”

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn’t put it down.

I wrote a book on coffee. Without it I would never have met the deadline.

Due to the popularity of “50 shades of grey” , a new underwear range will soon be in shops. Think i will stick with my own brand though…. 50 shades of brown.

Kim Jong-il, Bin Laden and Gaddafi all in the one year? 2011 is clearly being written by George R.R. Martin.

I’ve just taken up speed reading. Last night I did war and peace in 20 seconds. I know it’s only 3 words but it’s a start!

BOOK SPOILER ALERT: Wally was near the lion’s cage in the zoo.

Women up and down the country are giving “Fifty Shades of Grey” the thumbs up. And fingers no doubt.