Category: books

My flatmate borrowed my thesaurus without asking. I’ll be having serious words later.

Feeling depressed? Life not going how you wanted it to and its noticeable by the tone in your voice? Why not make a living narrating audiobooks.

Dear Stephenie Meyer, Please do a tour of Britain, explaining to women how your books are FICTIONAL. You’re ruining my mojo. Sincerely, Lonely Teen

I got my wife one of those books I know she’ll read over and over again. ‘Coping with Memory Loss’.

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true love and to be very romantic. Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.

addicted to my ‘How to love a sick dog’ book I can’t put it down.

I just sold my old Snow White book for 15 quid. That really is a fair retail story!

Margaret! Margaret! Yessss! Have we got a copy of “hangin by a thread” by Kevin McGee

I’ve just read a book about a fan. It’s a real page turner.

Before I go to sleep I always do some light reading. It’s a lot easier than dark reading.

I’m being a thoughtful husband and buying my wife the audio version of Fifty shades of grey, that’ll mean she has both hands free to pleasure herself. By finishing the ironing.

Anyone else think that the Harry Potter series would have been much more entertaining if, after seven books and over a million words, the concluding sentence was: “…and that, your honour, is how three children in wizard outifts ended up in my cellar.”

I’ve got a book coming out soon. I shouldn’t have eaten it, really.

Too make a long story short.. ..I didn’t finish ‘Lord of the Rings’.

My mate Colin is a typical example of someone who’s read Proust. He hasn’t read it.