Category: beauty

I’ve just booked an appointment with the new German barber. Herr Cut

They say that diamonds are a girls best friend. I would have thought that a packet of tampons on a heavy day might at least have got an honorable mention.

I lent my friend a glue stick the other day instead of a chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I just asked out a girl i’ve known for years and i’m distraught. The most attractive person you could ever meet, eyes that you can’t help but stare into, wit that could get everyone laughing, an unmatched smile that could warm anyones heart. Why she turned that down i dont know.

What is the nickname given to Toddlers And Tiaras? The reason condoms were invented.

Some women bleach the hairs on their upper lip to become more attractive… Does anyone actually find a blonde moustache on a woman attractive?

New Eau de Condom by Calvin Klein… …For him and for her!

If you ever get attacked by a tiger just throw moisturiser cream at him. Blocks the paws.

“Mummy, Mummy, the kids at school say I’m a freak” “Shut up and comb your face”

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? A: The back of her head.

My mate said I was too fat to climb a wall. I still can’t get over it.

I walked up to this woman in a bar the other night “You’re a feminist, aren’t you?” i said to her amazed she said “Yes, yes I am, but how’d you know?” so I told her “I can see your armpit hair from the other side of he room you fat, ugly cow”.

I realised I was getting old the other day when my hairdresser spent more time on shaving my ears and eyebrows than she did on shaving my head.

I just bought a new pair of gloves, or so I thought. One of them is second hand.

My friends said to me, “I always has johnsons baby lotion in my cupboard.” “Thats funny,” I replied “I just have Johnsons baby in mine”