Category: animals/insects

A dog walks into a bar. He says, “Hey my names Derek. I’m a talking dog, have you ever seen a talking dog? How about a drink for the talking dog?” The bartender replies, “Sure mate. The toilet’s right back there, first on your left.”

Whats blue, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, will kill you? A cow in a tracksuit

A lizard is reported to have escaped tonight from London Zoo. Police are monitoring the situation

I was fingering these two blonde chicks but I had to stop… they started pecking me.

I’m black and I live in a purely white area, but this isn’t a problem, in fact the community is very close and in hard times we all come together to see it through. I’m a penguin, and I’m against racism.

I drink to forget… which can take forever when you’re an elephant.

Pet owners: Rats make ideal ‘large print’ mice for short-sighted cats

Polynesia — memory loss in parrots.

My horse was eating some hay when suddenly it reared back in pain with a needle stuck in its mouth. “Cool”, I thought, “those are hard to find.”

Just bought a new pet stone. It rocks!!!

How do you interrogate a moth? Point a turned off torch in its face.

The “Black Mamba”, One of Africa’s most dangerous and feared snakes. Surprise, Surprise

I bought a lap dog, but I had to get rid of it. Every time I sat on its lap it bit me.

I went in the local shop to buy some treats for my pet beagle. I couldn’t believe the price of them… 6.45 for 20 Mayfair!

I threw a brick at my kitten. So much for cat-like reflexes.