Category: animals/insects

I was devastated to learn that my wife had taken the cat after our divorce. I thought we had a mutual feline.

There are two cows in a field. Which one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a cat. Tommy Cooper came along and killed it Just Like That

The dog bit my wife today. I don’t think any harm was done though… But I’m taking him to the vets just to be on the safe side.

Why do birds fly in circles over Bradford? The poor things have use one wing to hold their noses.

WSPA: “The amur leopard is so rare, there is hardly any footage of it” Ever heard of Youtube?

They say cats always land on their feet Not if they’re dead…

The first thing I do every morning is to choke the chicken. My method of execution at the farm slaughterhouse is a bit unorthodox, admittedly.

Penguin walks into a pub and orders a pint of cider. Barman thinks ‘that’s a bit strange’ but serves him his apples. Penguin finishes his pint and asks for another. Barman serves the penguin another pint. Penguin says to the barman, “has my brother been in today?” Barman says “don’t know mate, what does he […]

What do Pirate Sheep say? Baargh!

If you hate cats as much as I do, youll find that measuring the size of a room can be quite a lot of fun

PIGS. Avoid having your head on a dinner table by not eating whole apples.

I use to have terrible trouble with Mole’s digging holes in my back garden, But I solved that now, I hid the shovels!!

Whenever I say, “Women have the brain size of Squirrels”, they get really annoyed. Who knew Squirrels were so sensitive?

While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a 50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be […]