Category: animals/insects

Are you really getting into the spirit of the World Cup? Try putting a beeshive in your girlfriend’s glove compartment and telling her you got her an African vuvuzela CD.

My neighbour’s chocolate labrador really confused me. It tasted of chicken.

My dog loves me, but I’m pretty sure if I dropped dead at home, he’d chew my face off the minute he got hungry.

Two dogs are having a walk through the park. One turns to the other and says… “Do you use a rubber when you make love?” To which the other replies: “Yeah d’you Rex?”

While I was at the zoo, I noticed signs saying ‘Do Not Feed The Animals’. I was shocked and phoned the police and animal services immediately.

A giant fly is been terrorising New York, killing hundreds of people. The army has released a SWAT team.

Why did the farmer put pink cowboy hats on his chickens? It was hen night.

My mate works, free of charge, attracting sharks for holidaymakers to photograph. Chump.

Two chickens were distraught when a tornado destroyed their home. Don’t worry, they’ll be able to recoup.

Birth control pills designed for humans will also work for a gorilla. The fact that saved me a zoo sponsorship.

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam. “Every time I look at my wife,” he worriedly told the optometrist, “I see spots before my eyes.” “So what’s to worry about?” replied the doctor. “You’re a leopard, aren’t you?” “What’s that got to do with anything?” replied the […]

My horse is pretty useless. It suffers from hayfever.

Chameleons: What are they hiding?

I had to have my wifes dog put down yesterday, it was the only humane thing to do. There was no way he could have gone on living after the humilation of being seen in a pink and yellow hoodie.

I was in the bath the other day and I thought, are ducks even yellow?