Category: animals/insects

Whenever I went gambling I always took my lucky goldfish. He would swim around in his little bowl whilst I gambled. He died today so I held a small funeral. Nothing special, I just wrapped him in newspaper with some chips.

ive just thought, chicken legs are a chickens legs and chicken wings are a chickens wings, i am never eating chicken nuggets again !!

I thought I’d found a 9-legged spider today. Turned out to be an ordinary spider with an erection.

Whats worse than waking up with a lot of pubic hair stuck between your teeth? Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.. I thought the worst thing was waking up with skid marks on your tongue?

If I get my cat chipped, does that mean it can eat dog food?

sky news;Man Caught ‘Smuggling’ Bear Out Of Russia. cant wait to see that episode.

I cut an owls vocal chords the other day…. It didn’t give a hoot.

A vet told me today that my fish has got cancer. I’m gutted, and now so is he. It was either that or Nemotheropy and I didn’t want to see him suffer.

My friend Dave told me he that he’d arranged an orgy at work, I wasn’t that reluctant to go until I found out he was a self employed farmer.

I planted some explosives in a male cow today. It was Abominabull.

How come if a dog crosses the road, it’s fine, but when a chicken does, it gets questioned for the rest of his life?

What do ya get when you cross a road with a chicken? Questioned

Where did house spiders live thousands of years ago?

Took a trip out to Africa to check out the wildlife. I saw some jaguars, rams, cobras, vipers and beetles. I thought Africa was poor, how come they can afford such flash cars?

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.