Category: animals/insects

It always makes me laugh how scared my dog is of the vacuum cleaner. Even so, it was a lot cheaper than getting a vet to do the abortion.

Me and my wife were like 2 wild animals last night. She went for food while I ate the children.

My granddad used to keep a pet goldfish in his head. He loved that fish, you could see it in his eyes.

I love my new job as an animal trainer. I’m currently teaching young crows. They’re battling with the alphabet though. They can’t grasp the concept of going from A to B.

The Coroner has removed a horses head from the flat of Amy Winehouse, unfortunately its still attached to her body

Behave. The place where posh bees fly to.

The Higgs Bison, smallest known buffalo known to man.

As the snake sunk its fangs into my hand, I screamed to the safari guide, “please say its been de-venomed!” “Of course it has!” He said. “How can you be sure?” I asked in a panic. “Because its just injected it all into your hand,” he replied.

Phew! Just spent half an hour haggling with the vet over how much to have the dog put down, and when I went back out to the car it was dead.

I have a great idea for next year’s new year celebrations. I’m going to put 20 dogs in one of the London eye’s pods and watch the fireworks go off.

Are seals just dog mermaids?

Whats the difference between a hamster and a cow?… …the cow survives the branding

I was once debating about animal testing with someone who claimed it was their responsibility to ‘give a voice to the voiceless’. So I guess parrots are fair game.

There isn’t room to swing a cat in here. Guess i’ll go outside and play.

I’m allergic to sharks. When they bite me, I get terrible red lesions.