Category: animals/insects

An Englishman , a Scottishman and an Irishman all go for a job at a pet shop. The interviewer tells all three that they can have a job if they can sing a song that includes a dog in the lyrics. The Englishman sings “How much is that Doggy in the window”, the Scottishman sings […]

I was with my wife when she gave birth to our first child, turns out yelling “Jellyfish” when her placenta came out was a bad idea.

Chickens have such a hightened panic reflex that even after their heads have been cut off their first reaction is to run away. Just remind me again; who invented the guillotine?

My wife was disgusted when i showed her my turtle head. In my defence i couldn’t afford a whole one.

My doctor just told me I can’t get Cat AIDS… I wish I’d known that before…I could have saved a fortune on condoms

Just dished up some food for the dog. Some lettuce and tomato with his usual tinned dog food. I like to call it a Ceaser salad.

I love Hummingbirds. Thats why I put a dab of superglue on the flowers of the Hummingbird feeder.

I’ve got something that turns on all women. My american pitbull terrier.

Why are they using blacks instead of laboratory rats in experiments now? They breed faster and you don’t get too attached to them!

Venus Fly Traps: Ensure an endless supply of prey by using a small African child as bait.

Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.

Dennis Hopper and Gary Coleman are stood at the pearly gates. St Peter looks down and says “sorry Mr Hopper… no pets”

I took my dog to the vets and said, “can you sort my dog out, it’s bitten my wife, she’s okay though, just a small scratch on her neck.” “Do you want me to destroy it, sir?” “No!!”, I said,”can you sharpen it’s teeth so it kills her next time!?”

Donkey? Or is it just a horse with downs syndrome. . .?

As part of a pre-emptive strike on Canada, the US have sent in their special forces. Silly really, because the Canadians are expert at clubbing seals.