I’ve just landed a new jo …
I’ve just landed a new job driving Prison Officers to work but in all honesty, I feel a proper tool. I’m a Screwdriver.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was arguing with my gir …
I was arguing with my girlfriend in Nando’s the other day when my best mate came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides.
Continue ReadingI wonder if my mum is loo …
I wonder if my mum is looking down at me now thinking, “Why the big hole in the ceiling?”
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the ma …
Did you hear about the man who invented the Polo? He made a mint.
Continue ReadingI really don’t know what …
I really don’t know what I did wrong. I was peacefully eating my chicken tikka masala with a spoon when the waiter told me get the fork out.
Continue ReadingMy mate was livid when I …
My mate was livid when I started pulling loads of skids on his brand new top of the range mountain bike. Ive told him Ill clean his seat but hes still not happy.
Continue ReadingChrist has risen and walk …
Christ has risen and walks among us. Who you gonna call?
Continue ReadingMan found dead; Killed by …
Man found dead; Killed by weight he was attempting to lift. On the upside, no need for the family to go elsewhere for a memorial bench.
Continue Reading“Dad, the boys at school …
“Dad, the boys at school have been calling me Girlie Boy.” “Why you letting them get to you son….is it that time of the month again?”
Continue ReadingI bought my Latin America …
I bought my Latin American manager a Vauxhall. I got my boss a Nova.
Continue Readinga Poet walks in to a bard …
a Poet walks in to a bard….
Continue Reading“How can we take our rela …
“How can we take our relationship to the next level?” I asked my new girlfriend. “Meet the parents?” she suggested. That’s why I think I’ve fallen for her, I’d never have thought of just watching a DVD.
Continue ReadingI could hear noises comin …
I could hear noises coming from my son’s bedroom tonight, so i looked in to see if he was alright. As soon as I walked in, he stared at me, stopped moving, and couldn’t string a sentence together. Turns out he was having a stroke.
Continue ReadingI’ve set up a cheap lipos …
I’ve set up a cheap liposuction service from the wooden hut in my back garden. It’s open to anyone who wants to shed a few pounds.
Continue ReadingMy football team were los …
My football team were losing badly after half time, so I decided to bring on some subs. The newspapers said it was the first mid-game picnic they’d ever seen.
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