Just got fired from my fi …
Just got fired from my first day at the hairdressers… It seems I misheard the lady who wanted perm in her hair…
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Some say that the thing t …
Some say that the thing that matters in bed is ‘the motion of the ocean’ and not ‘the size of the boat’ Yeah, but lots of motion on a tiny boat is scary and disturbing…
Continue ReadingI arrived back off my hol …
I arrived back off my holidays yesterday and I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area. I went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The blonde behind the counter smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ […]
Continue ReadingEminem is officially wort …
Eminem is officially worth $115 million. I can’t wait to hear his next song about how much he hates his life.
Continue ReadingI once crashed my dad’s c …
I once crashed my dad’s car into a lemon tree. Ten years later and he’s still bitter about it.
Continue ReadingI think the farmer next d …
I think the farmer next door is on drugs but getting evidence is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Continue ReadingI had to say goodbye to m …
I had to say goodbye to my favourite cereal today. Cheerio
Continue ReadingReally? I’m the only one …
Really? I’m the only one who thought baby Jack on Coronation Street looked like a recruit for the KKK tonight?
Continue ReadingI like really dark movie …
I like really dark movie theatres. That way, I don’t have to buy my own popcorn.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she loves my …
My wife said she loves my new job as a zoo vet, but she always insults the animals I’m working with She’s so hippo critical
Continue ReadingFrank-“Theres a darker si …
Frank-“Theres a darker side to alcohol” Guinness.
Continue ReadingI wonder why when all the …
I wonder why when all the lights in the city stop working its called a black-out
Continue ReadingI just saw a poster on a …
I just saw a poster on a tree saying: ‘This is a photograph of our dog which is missing. If found please call us’ So I phoned them up and said, “I’ve just found the photograph of your dog.”
Continue ReadingNEWSFLASH: BT to cut 15,0 …
NEWSFLASH: BT to cut 15,000 posts over the next year ……How will all the wires stay up?
Continue ReadingBBC News- ”PETA announce …
BBC News- ”PETA announce their opposition to the term ‘pet’, preferring ‘animal companion’ instead.” People getting worked up over word definitions is one of my animal companion peeves.
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