Just saw the facebook gro …
Just saw the facebook group called “If i put 6 or more kisses on the end of a text, i want to smash your back door in” Bit strange really, if you like them that much why would you destroy their house?
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How do you know when your …
How do you know when your mother-in-law is on her period? There’s blood on her broomstick.
Continue ReadingMy mate believed me when …
My mate believed me when I told him wisdom teeth come through once your IQ reaches 100. His haven’t came through.
Continue ReadingMy wife gave me a lecture …
My wife gave me a lecture about my obsession with mythical creature puns. It didn’t half Dragon.
Continue ReadingMy wife was in the bath c …
My wife was in the bath crying earlier, so I said, ‘You’re in a state – what’s the matter?’ ‘Liquid’, she replied.
Continue ReadingA policeman stopped me th …
A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: ‘Would you please blow into this bag, Sir’. I said: ‘What for, Officer?’ He says: ‘My chips are too hot’.
Continue ReadingHurrah, I’ve reached the …
Hurrah, I’ve reached the finals of the Tourettes World Cup. Now it’s all over bar the shouting.
Continue ReadingBBC News – Maternity Leav …
BBC News – Maternity Leave, Brussels wants to change things, but will the situation improve? Does ‘getting the farts’ make a baby come out faster?
Continue ReadingCo-op fair trade chocolat …
Co-op fair trade chocolate is made up of 93% fairtrade ingredients. Do they make their profit from ripping off the other 7%?
Continue ReadingLast week, Comic Relief a …
Last week, Comic Relief asked me to do ‘something funny for money.’ I went one better, however. I did nothing – for free.
Continue ReadingI thought my girlfriend m …
I thought my girlfriend might be ‘The One’ but, after finding police, nurse and maid uniforms in her wardrobe, I realised she can’t hold a job down.
Continue ReadingI just went to McDonalds, …
I just went to McDonalds, I said, “Could i have a Fillet O Fish for my Wife?” Guy said “Sorry we don’t do swaps”.
Continue ReadingStatistically, the homele …
Statistically, the homeless 8/10 dumpsters the other day.
Continue ReadingWe’ll see our ends when n …
We’ll see our ends when nudists stand up for their rights.
Continue ReadingI did a tandem sky dive y …
I did a tandem sky dive yesterday. I was on the front seat doing the steering and pedalling, while my mate on the back seat opened the parachute.
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