*BREAKING NEWS* Dead body …
*BREAKING NEWS* Dead body found in man’s luggage at Gatwick. Police say it’s a simple open and shut case.
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I wrote a Darwinian style …
I wrote a Darwinian style book on Asian evolution: “Thailand: The Origin of the ‘He/She’s”.
Continue ReadingWhat’s soft and slippery? …
What’s soft and slippery? A slipper.
Continue ReadingI just found 20 hanging f …
I just found 20 hanging from my ceiling. It was a suicide note.
Continue ReadingThe internet, where the …
The internet, where the trolls are men, the men are kids, the kids are cops, and the girls are confused teenaged boys.
Continue ReadingGo into your local charit …
Go into your local charity shop, share a story, shed a tear and then see the look on their face when you tell them you’re not really the secret millionaire.
Continue ReadingJust finished reading the …
Just finished reading the human genome. Turns out the CAT did it.
Continue ReadingI decided to get the miss …
I decided to get the misses some festive earrings this year with little mince pies on. Now that’s pioneering stuff.
Continue ReadingThe hedgehog made his way …
The hedgehog made his way down to the riverbank and very slowly walked into the water. As it got deeper, he soldiered on, gasping for breath. Suddenly he disappeared under and was only just able to get back to the bank. After resting for 10 minutes, the hedgehog tried again, after going under twice more […]
Continue ReadingI no longer make excuses. …
I no longer make excuses. I just import them from China now.
Continue ReadingGordon Brown was the best …
Gordon Brown was the best prime minister to ever run the United Kingdom. Did i say run? I meant ruin. Ironic how much difference one “I” can make isn’t it Gordon?
Continue ReadingSome guy threatened to hu …
Some guy threatened to hunt me down and attack me with a pair of shock absorbers. He didn’t say when though – the suspension’s killing me.
Continue ReadingI quit my job as a gas ma …
I quit my job as a gas man today. Too much pressure.
Continue ReadingMy dad always said he wou …
My dad always said he would see me alright if he ever won the lottery. Well he won two million last week and kept true to his word. He’s had laser eye surgery.
Continue ReadingI’m trying to think of so …
I’m trying to think of something to right, but the words wont come out write.
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