My girlfriend said she’s …
My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with science. I asked her what I was going to do without her and she told me ”I don’t know, whatever floats your boat” ”Density” I replied.
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“I pity the fool who drin …
“I pity the fool who drinks too much coffee.” Said Mr. Tea.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the definition of …
What’s the definition of ironic? Putting a Crimestoppers advert on Sickipedia.
Continue ReadingMy boss told me to dress …
My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not that I have. So now I’m standing disciplinary meeting in my Batman costume.
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS: cd pioneer dies …
BBC NEWS: cd pioneer dies aged 81 thats one for the records
Continue ReadingEpileptic Santa. He seiz …
Epileptic Santa. He seizures while he’s sleeping!
Continue ReadingYour mum’s had more one u …
Your mum’s had more one ups than Mario
Continue ReadingWalker’s crisp factory co …
Walker’s crisp factory could save loads of money on packaging, by using smaller bags for their individually packed crisps.
Continue ReadingI proposed to my girlfrie …
I proposed to my girlfriend during an asphyxiation session, but she left me hanging.
Continue ReadingI was giving Tulisa a hug …
I was giving Tulisa a hug earlier and now i cant find my wallet.
Continue Readingmy friend died from solve …
my friend died from solvent abuse the other day,he tried to glue him self to a block of flats then fell to his death.
Continue ReadingA giraffe walks into a ba …
A giraffe walks into a bar. The barman says, “You’ve got some neck coming in here.”
Continue ReadingDwarfs who hand out free …
Dwarfs who hand out free newspapers in London have low standards.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she really w …
My wife said she really wanted to lose a stone. So I sold her wedding ring.
Continue ReadingI like to embrace new cul …
I like to embrace new cultures. I have one growling on my bell-end right now.
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