Author: qjoq.com

I always buy my fish from Selfridges. There’s no plaice like it

I’m not impressed with my new Blackberry Torch. I should’ve got a maglite.

I was once beaten up by Doris, Darren and Robin. I didn’t know what Day it was.

My wife recently told me that she thought I was selfish in bed. How was I to know she wanted half of the duvet.

My mate needed something to make himself sick. I said “How about eating out of date chinese food?” He said “Now thats using the old noodle”

I’ve been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today he sent me this text: “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which I replied: “8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”