My dad wants me to go int …
My dad wants me to go into the family mining business, but I’m not too keen. I think I’m above all that.
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Summer is my favourite ti …
Summer is my favourite time of year for one reason and one reason only… Facebook holiday bikini photos.
Continue ReadingKnow how to make Vanilla …
Know how to make Vanilla Ice cream? Tell him it’s still 1989.
Continue ReadingIronically, the more some …
Ironically, the more someone uses the word ‘like’ in a conversation, the more I feel the opposite about them.
Continue ReadingI watched a chicken cross …
I watched a chicken cross the road today. It was poultry in motion.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend wants to ta …
My girlfriend wants to talk about me drawing conclusions too quickly. Five years we’ve been together. And now she just throws it all away for this?
Continue ReadingI just got fired from my …
I just got fired from my job as a tailor. It just wasn’t the right fit.
Continue ReadingMr Potato head’s son came …
Mr Potato head’s son came over to fix my bed yesterday. He’s a chippie.
Continue ReadingAttention: If anybody on …
Attention: If anybody on here knows Max Strength, can you tell him I have his Lemsip.
Continue ReadingI noticed a young soldier …
I noticed a young soldier who was only shipped out to Afghanistan after bin Laden was killed, managed to step on a land mine yesterday… He’s had trouble finding his feet.
Continue ReadingI fell out of a 600 story …
I fell out of a 600 story building and lived. It was a library.
Continue ReadingMy deeply religious mothe …
My deeply religious mother was horrified when she thought I’d bought her an old wooden carving of the devil. “No, Mum. I said it’s an antique Christ.”
Continue ReadingBoiled eggs. Hard to bea …
Boiled eggs. Hard to beat aren’t they?
Continue ReadingWhat’s blue and not heavy …
What’s blue and not heavy? Light Blue.
Continue ReadingA new book has just been …
A new book has just been released about Maddy – ‘Still missing, still missed.’ I’d suggest asking the bloke who took a photo of ‘what she looks like now’ – he seems to be in the know
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