My grandfather is a Cold …
My grandfather is a Cold War veteran He can’t afford to put the heating on.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Fifty Shades of Grey has …
Fifty Shades of Grey has apparently been responsible for saving a lot of marriages and enabling women to put a smile back on their husbands faces, and I have to agree. Playing Fifa without getting moaned at is bliss.
Continue ReadingSky News: President Obama …
Sky News: President Obama has signed a post-war agreement with President Karzai during an unannounced visit to Afghanistan Karzai’s going to be gutted when he receives a condom and a dodgy letter through his mail.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s suffering from …
My wife’s suffering from women’s problems at the moment. She can’t get the car reversed into the garage.
Continue ReadingI wish I learned to drive …
I wish I learned to drive in a BMW. I looked at the BMW Highway Code and it only has one page. It says: YOU ALWAYS HAVE RIGHT OF WAY
Continue ReadingYou know you’re on Sickip …
You know you’re on Sickipedia a lot when you reply “Duplicate” when you get text a joke you’ve already been sent.
Continue ReadingAnyone know what time Ope …
Anyone know what time Open All Hours shuts?
Continue ReadingBought one of those Volks …
Bought one of those Volkswagon Caddy’s a few weeks ago. Waste of money. The committee have banned me from taking it onto the golf course.
Continue ReadingI love the clocks going f …
I love the clocks going forward, it really brings people together. Right now, up and down the nation, literally thousands of people are united in looking at their computer screen and their mobile phone and trying to work out whether they changed themselves automatically in the night or whether they are still an hour behind.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between pinball and my wife? Ive only cheated on pinball once.
Continue ReadingWhen I was in school I wa …
When I was in school I was in a science lesson, and it was a quiz. My science teacher asked the questions and we put our hands up and answered them. The question was, “If lots of cells make a tissue, what do lots of tissues make?” To which I replied, “A lonely Friday night?”
Continue ReadingI’ve just opened up a dri …
I’ve just opened up a drinks shop in town called ‘The Green Mile’. We only sell large black coffees.
Continue ReadingI got caught match-fixing …
I got caught match-fixing last night. It was either that or run them under the tap and use a lighter.
Continue ReadingWe’ve got an emergency ga …
We’ve got an emergency gas mains leak to repair by Big Ben We’re working around the clock
Continue Reading“Just to play Devil’s Adv …
“Just to play Devil’s Advocate for a minute, but have you considered becoming a Satanist?”
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