Give a man a fish and he’ …
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. And then I’d get really upset as that was meant to be a present for his aquarium.
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It’s unbelievable how eas …
It’s unbelievable how easy kids exams are getting at school nowadays! My son came home and asked me to help with his mock exam paper. I decided to help him on the first question: Question 1) Complete the following sequence: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…………. Answer) Once I caught a fish alive. That should get […]
Continue ReadingHow does Moses make his t …
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Continue ReadingIf tennis players get ‘Te …
If tennis players get ‘Tennis elbow’ and squash players get ‘Squash Knees’, do gynecologists get ‘Tunnel Vision?’
Continue ReadingIt’s at times like this i …
It’s at times like this i wish i had a watch.
Continue ReadingI like to end all my argu …
I like to end all my arguments by showing a photo of my hair combed neatly in different directions. My parting shot.
Continue ReadingAretha Franklin unharmed …
Aretha Franklin unharmed in plane crash. She was the soul survivor.
Continue ReadingCustomers at my barber sh …
Customers at my barber shop think I got my nickname Van Gogh because I’m an artist with a pair of scissors. It’s actually because I once cut someones ear off.
Continue ReadingI met this hot babe in a …
I met this hot babe in a club. She was really up for it. We left the club and went down the nearest alley. “Get yer wedding tackle out!” she cried. Grey top hat, pinstripe trousers and a dried up carnation, apparently not what she had in mind.
Continue ReadingUnwritten rules: we shoul …
Unwritten rules: we should just write them down and then there’d be no argument.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me “Clean …
My wife said to me “Cleaning isn’t your forte” I said “What’s ‘forte’” She said “Egg and chips”
Continue ReadingI say, I say, I say; a me …
I say, I say, I say; a member of my cricket team has contracted a deadly viral disease. Ebola? More of a batsman, really.
Continue ReadingScientists have found a c …
Scientists have found a cure for absent-mindedness. But they forgot where they left it.
Continue ReadingIt takes 24 screws to bui …
It takes 24 screws to build an Ikea cot but only 1 to fill it.
Continue ReadingI saw an advert in my loc …
I saw an advert in my local paper: Heavy Metal Group Requires Singer. What would a rock group want with a sewing machine?
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