9 out of 10 people agree …
9 out of 10 people agree that one person will always disagree with the other 9.
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I saw this episode of Ray …
I saw this episode of Ray Mears survival, where he spit-roasted a pig down the woods. Ah. That takes me back.
Continue ReadingI threw out my hoover las …
I threw out my hoover last week. It was just gathering dust.
Continue ReadingThe steak I had for dinne …
The steak I had for dinner just melted in my mouth. Probably should’ve defrosted it first.
Continue ReadingThey say: “Time heals all …
They say: “Time heals all wounds.” Doesn’t help amputees much though.
Continue ReadingI got caught cheating dur …
I got caught cheating during an exam today. I didn’t even know my girlfriend was sitting the same one as me.
Continue ReadingI bought myself some Berm …
I bought myself some Bermuda shorts but they’ve disappeared.
Continue ReadingMy brother loves real ale …
My brother loves real ale but never comes along to the drinking club with me. I think he’s camra shy.
Continue ReadingI just saw a film about F …
I just saw a film about Facebook, I think I’ll let it know.
Continue ReadingI had a weird moment earl …
I had a weird moment earlier with a Chinese taxi driver. I went to put my luggage in the boot and he leaned out the drivers window and shouted “Beautiful”. “Thanks” I said, “Now I’ll just put my luggage in the boot”. “No, you look beautiful” He replied. I was just about to smash his […]
Continue ReadingI had to give up being a …
I had to give up being a vegetarian, so I went cold turkey.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the square root of …
What’s the square root of 69? Ate something.
Continue ReadingI’m not a pessimist; I’m …
I’m not a pessimist; I’m a depressed realist.
Continue ReadingI fondly recall the time …
I fondly recall the time I discovered a cure for Dementia. Aah…that brings back memories.
Continue ReadingMy daughter has told me h …
My daughter has told me her upcoming wedding is going to cost me 10,000. I said, “How can it be costing me anything? I thought I was giving you away?”
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