I was watching the lotter …
I was watching the lottery in the pub & my mate pipes up “Hey, Bob, if you won the jackpot would you sort your family out?” “Nah. I’d just pay some of the lads off the estate to do it for me”
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“360 vision? I can’t get …
“360 vision? I can’t get my head around that!” Said the owl.
Continue ReadingWhat do Mexican Cannibals …
What do Mexican Cannibals like to eat? Refried Beings.
Continue ReadingI was going to write a jo …
I was going to write a joke about how much I hate lazy people I decided, however, that it was just much too effort
Continue ReadingThe kids have emphaticall …
The kids have emphatically said they don’t want me to help them with their homework, because I’m always getting things slightly wrong … I said .’OK, fine. But remember what goes around, comes down’
Continue ReadingI found out that the girl …
I found out that the girl I’ve been romancing over the internet has been using a fake picture. She actually looks nothing like Frank Bruno.
Continue ReadingRoses are boring, Violets …
Roses are boring, Violets are Bland, You’re spending Valentines, At home with your hand.
Continue ReadingMy boss once told me, “Do …
My boss once told me, “Don’t dress for the job you have, but for the job you want”. Which makes you wonder why he fired me for coming in dressed as a Mexican wrestler
Continue ReadingMy daughter’s physio has …
My daughter’s physio has just been for her weekly visit. She said she had brought a special book with all kinds of new positions I could try out with my daughter. After a slight misunderstanding, I am now looking for a new physio.
Continue ReadingIts the heaviest snow for …
Its the heaviest snow for two decades today, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Just another excuse for the kids’ absence from school
Continue ReadingFake tan: The major thre …
Fake tan: The major threat to trigonometry.
Continue ReadingIs it me or is it that Jo …
Is it me or is it that Joseph Jackson looks like a black version of Josef Fritzl?
Continue ReadingI bought a smart phone th …
I bought a smart phone the other day. It was wearing a tuxedo and a bow tie.
Continue ReadingCall me ignorant but I st …
Call me ignorant but I still don’t know what it is that Rumour has.
Continue Reading6th Oct 1854. The Great F …
6th Oct 1854. The Great Fire of Newcastle. A wasted, ruined city, its people desperate and miserable. And then they had a fire.
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