This shady looking fellow stopped me on a side street today and told me he could get me Speed for 20. Now I love Sandra Bullock as much as the next man, but 20 for a 15 year old movie is not my idea of a good deal.
Continue ReadingI walked into a bar and asked for a short. I told the barman, who thinks he’s a bit of a comedian, before you start, I’m not in the mood, so nothing funny. He brought me Ronnie Corbett.
Continue ReadingWhen a cab takes you home at night, the driver always rummages around in the change for ages hoping you’ll give up and say, “Keep the change.” See how much they like it when it takes you ten minutes to find the door handle.
Continue ReadingMy son said he was going to change the time on every clock in the house if i didn’t give him money. “Not on my watch you won’t” i replied.
Continue ReadingWhy don’t Americans like sarcasm? Because they can’t eat it.
Continue ReadingAfter the recent racist events that have occurred in the last decade in the UK, a charity awareness group has been formed designed to ease racial tension in Britain. It will be called: Don’t Initiate Racial Tension this Year. People Against Killing Irrationally. Or DIRTY PAKI for short.
Continue ReadingI get a bit of stick occasionally, being a glue sniffer.
Continue ReadingI wish I’d never kicked the wife out. Actually did more damage to her than the fire itself.
Continue ReadingWent to Hyde Park the other day. Difficult to achieve with something so big.
Continue ReadingI think using Sickipedia should become part of the school curriculum for 5 – 10 year olds. Okay their innocent little minds will be corrupted and there is also a good chance they would be groomed by a paedophile but at least they would be able to spell properly and have good grammar.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a speedy news correspondent: Justin
Continue ReadingSlow and steady wins the race.. Unless your in a fire.
Continue ReadingMy mate said, “Why are you sticking twenty pound notes onto that helium balloon?” I said, “I need to raise some cash quickly.”
Continue ReadingMy new site dedicated to hitchikers is doing quite well. Everyone’s given it a thumbs up so far.
Continue ReadingMy son was killed by some bullies a few years ago… They fell on his head in a darts memorabilia shop.
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