My mates and I got carrie …
My mates and I got carried away in a club the other night. When we refused to leave, the doormen gave us a good hiding and called us an ambulance.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
The worst things in life …
The worst things in life are free, too.
Continue ReadingPeople who seek sympathy …
People who seek sympathy make me want to cry.
Continue ReadingI’ve got some new slipper …
I’ve got some new slippers made out of live mice. I don’t like them. They squeak when I walk.
Continue ReadingMy mum was getting annoye …
My mum was getting annoyed because of her job sewing things. I said, “You seamstressed.”
Continue ReadingJust saw a little fat gir …
Just saw a little fat girl wearing a T-shirt that said “I’m Daddy’s Favourite” She must be an only child if she’s his favourite!
Continue ReadingI just ate a beautiful Ch …
I just ate a beautiful Chinese. Would’ve prefered if she had a brazilian.
Continue ReadingSometime you just have to …
Sometime you just have to stop, look back and say to yourself, “I was there a second ago.”
Continue ReadingThis chicken came up to m …
This chicken came up to me today and said “Buck, Buck, Buck” I’d never heard such fowl language.
Continue ReadingTo be perfectly honest, I …
To be perfectly honest, I only ever do over the statutory limit when I’m driving.
Continue ReadingWhat came first the chick …
What came first the chicken or the egg? The egg, i don’t have the chicken until dinner.
Continue ReadingI replaced some lights in …
I replaced some lights in my house today I handed the old ones down to my girlfriend She asked “are they heavy?” I said “no, its a light fitting”
Continue ReadingI used to work in a super …
I used to work in a supermarket as the person who hands out free samples But i was asked to leave after the cups of bleach incident…
Continue ReadingI’m really looking forwar …
I’m really looking forward to tonights’ Children in Need TV spectacular, although some of the horrific sights and scenes can be very distressing. Last year, Amy Winehouse and James Blunt’s performances alone had me crying and reaching for the Prozac.
Continue ReadingHow many recruitment cons …
How many recruitment consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? Well that depends. Have you tried to fit the lightbulb yourself? When do you need to have it fitted? And would you be willing to let me work on the job exclusively?
Continue Reading