bought a couple of cheap …
bought a couple of cheap railway buffers today at the end of the line sale
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Slept last night with a f …
Slept last night with a fan pointing at me. Though I found his chants of, “Nice sleeping” and “Keep up the great dribbling” kind of off putting.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Earthquake hits …
BBC News: Earthquake hits West of Scotland. Not much rubble but residents advised to move gingerly.
Continue ReadingI accidentally ran over a …
I accidentally ran over a Paki today. I was pulled up at the traffic lights and he was crossing the road when my selective colour blindness kicked in again.
Continue ReadingAlzheimer’s Test: If you …
Alzheimer’s Test: If you turn up for the appointment, you’re gonna be okay.
Continue ReadingThe missus just found out …
The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
Continue ReadingSky News – ‘20,000 Reward …
Sky News – ‘20,000 Reward To Catch Woodland Killer’ Has anyone checked the Woodland?
Continue ReadingMy big sister was tauntin …
My big sister was taunting me, and said parents said I was a mistake. Well, I asked my mum about my conception, and she was shocked, she said “No love, we really wanted a baby and we had you on purpose.” …it was only later we realised it was a mistake”.
Continue ReadingSometimes when I see peop …
Sometimes when I see people jogging outside, I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them some motivation.
Continue ReadingUpon being told I have a …
Upon being told I have a drinking problem I gave careful consideration and completely agree. I’ve two hands and only one mouth
Continue Reading‘Knock Knock’. “Will you …
‘Knock Knock’. “Will you leave your grandmother alone, have a little respect for the dead.”
Continue ReadingI saw a dirty car earlier …
I saw a dirty car earlier and couldn’t help but write ‘Cleaned by the NHS’ on the window.
Continue ReadingI had a father son moment …
I had a father son moment today when i was putting up a Piata for his birthday, He just looked at me and said “I’d hit that”.
Continue ReadingI had to call an electric …
I had to call an electrician to replace an old fuse box this morning. When he came to my door, I decided not to use him. He had no eyebrows.
Continue ReadingMicrosoft Pillows: When y …
Microsoft Pillows: When you just need to crash.
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