I asked this person in a pub where they were from. “Where am I from? Is that supposed to be racist, I was born in London, and so was my mum. My dad came here when he was younger, and I have worked hard to establish myself as a member of the community!” Last time […]
Continue ReadingYou don’t understand the superiority theory like I do.
Continue ReadingMy granny left me all her life savings when she died. A small boy that had fallen into a pond and a dog that she’d pulled from a burning house.
Continue ReadingTwo prison inmates together, one says ”I’ve got two tickets to the wardens ball, do you want one?”, ”No thanks, I cant dance” the other replied. The first one replied ”It’s not a dance, Its a raffle”
Continue ReadingAll in all… it was a good orgy.
Continue ReadingThey say that being on the tube at rush hour is like being in a giant tin of sardines. Personally i’ve never had my wallet nicked by a sardine…
Continue ReadingPostman knocked on my door the other day and asked, “Is this letter for you?The name is smudged.” I said, “No, It’s not for me mate, my name’s Smith.”
Continue ReadingIt’s amazing how many new words you learn every day. I heard one today. Chuggers: charity-muggers. The people in the street who try and steal your credit card details on behalf of disabled kids in Africa. Well I made up a word of my own today. Chunts.
Continue ReadingMy great uncle was so stubborn, when he died, he left a won’t.
Continue Reading“You’ve made the bed, now lie in it”… is the reason I lost my job as room service.
Continue ReadingI texted my girlfriend Ruth last night to let her know she was dumped … I wanted to be ruthless
Continue ReadingMy mate bought a gossipy parrot, which I think says a lot about him.
Continue ReadingI handed in a resignation letter at work today. I can’t wait to see my mate Dave’s face when he finds out he’s resigned!
Continue ReadingWhen my opponent turned up for our table tennis final wearing a pheasant mask, I knew I was in for a tough match. He had his game face on.
Continue ReadingLily Allen asked fans to “say a little prayer” following her second miscarriage. Sorry Lily, I don’t pray to a God, that if he actually did exist, would allow little babies to die, and rapists to win the lottery after buying one ticket. So maybe I should, but there you go.
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