If I was in the Real IRA, …
If I was in the Real IRA, I’d move to Spain and start a football club.
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Does anyone ever buy item …
Does anyone ever buy items at full price from DFS?
Continue ReadingSometimes I like to go sw …
Sometimes I like to go swinging. It’s one of the best ways to pull children… Then push them. Then pull them again.
Continue ReadingTV3 (Ireland): Lottery Li …
TV3 (Ireland): Lottery Liar; “I had to lie, otherwise she would have known the truth” Really?
Continue ReadingWhat do I think of Messag …
What do I think of Message Boards? I’m Forum!
Continue ReadingMy motivational tutor jus …
My motivational tutor just said, “Everybody stand up for what you believe in!” I said, “What if it’s comfortable chairs?”
Continue ReadingA dustman is collecting t …
A dustman is collecting the bins when an old woman comes out of her house in her nightdress and curlers. ‘Am I too late for the rubbish?’ She asks. ‘Course not dear’ replies the dustman. ‘Hop in.’
Continue ReadingRolf Harris and Tony Hart …
Rolf Harris and Tony Hart had a sketch-off. It was a draw.
Continue ReadingI don’t know why my eyes …
I don’t know why my eyes hurt. I’ve been up all night googling to find out why.
Continue ReadingWas having breakfast in m …
Was having breakfast in my pants earlier, but it was a bit of a nightmare. The milk kept dribbling out the holes I put my legs in.
Continue ReadingI said to my Mrs what wou …
I said to my Mrs what would you like for your birthday?’ A surprise she said so I burnt her mum’s house down.
Continue ReadingI bought my wife a self-c …
I bought my wife a self-cleaning fur coat today. It was made out of cat-skin.
Continue ReadingI went to my mate’s funer …
I went to my mate’s funeral today, He worked in a cotton mill for 40 years delivering in his lorry, On his wreath from the mill it read ‘john worked for 40 years and now he’s gone, but not forcotton’.
Continue Reading“5ft 7 Tom Cruise to act …
“5ft 7 Tom Cruise to act as 6ft 5 man mountain in new movie” Well, if CGI can make monkeys talk, blue aliens, and entire worlds, I’m sure they can make it look like Tom Cruise can act.
Continue ReadingMy wife said “I’ve told y …
My wife said “I’ve told you a million times. You are the most forgetful man on earth”. “Funny, I don’t remember her ever saying that”.
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