What is the brown stuff b …
What is the brown stuff between Elephant’s toes? Slow Natives.
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I hear the looters are pa …
I hear the looters are particularly fond of stealing Iphone’s At least that will stop them communicating.
Continue ReadingIt’s the mother in law’s …
It’s the mother in law’s funeral tomorrow. She’s only gone and cancelled it
Continue ReadingMy wife wants to go on a …
My wife wants to go on a road trip around famous Chinese monuments…Her requests are driving me up the wall.
Continue ReadingMy wife wanted an “adult …
My wife wanted an “adult discussion” about my obsession of watching old comedy on Dave. She said “I want to be civil” I replied “OK can I be Basil?”
Continue ReadingMy wife left me today bec …
My wife left me today because of my obsession with twitter. There’s a lot more to it than that but unfortunately I’m about to run out of cha
Continue ReadingApparently, Rizla justify …
Apparently, Rizla justify their production of Kingsize papers by saying they are for long distance lorry drivers and not for drug use. Yeah right! And I spend my time in internet chat rooms talking to children because I don’t want them to be lonely.
Continue ReadingAmputees- they need a sho …
Amputees- they need a shoulder to cry on
Continue ReadingI received a sitting ovat …
I received a sitting ovation once.
Continue ReadingI told my mate I could sw …
I told my mate I could swallow any stone. He then challenged me to a jewel.
Continue ReadingIf you suffer from lockja …
If you suffer from lockjaw, you need a toothpick.
Continue ReadingApparently there is a typ …
Apparently there is a type of Currant, that when you eat it makes you come out in a blotchy rash. I might Raisin Awareness Group.
Continue ReadingI was on a ride at a funf …
I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster.
Continue ReadingJust been to Pizza Hut in …
Just been to Pizza Hut in Newcastle. I had a Howaiiyan and she had a Whyaiian.
Continue ReadingApparently over two milli …
Apparently over two million toddlers are overweight in Britain. I like to think of them as waddlers.
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