My girlfriend accused me …
My girlfriend accused me of being childish and argumentative. I said, ‘No I’m not, you are.’ Shut her up.
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Am I the only person eage …
Am I the only person eagerly awaiting a Sickipedia iPhone app?
Continue ReadingMy mate Dave bet me 200 t …
My mate Dave bet me 200 that the M25 is only 118 miles long, boy is he looking stupid now! I’ve been driving on it all day and still not reached the end.
Continue ReadingThe misses always goes on …
The misses always goes on about how she wants to do something exciting like go on safari and experience Africa… …so I sat her in front of the computer, replaced internet explorer, and gave her aids from a dirty needle.
Continue ReadingI have stopped going to w …
I have stopped going to watch Stockport County football club !!!! Well they don’t come and see me when I’m bad…………..
Continue ReadingI took my son to see Fath …
I took my son to see Father Christmas at the shopping centre earlier. It was a bit disappointing really, because he stank of booze and cigarettes. God knows what Santa thought of him.
Continue ReadingLast night a blind chick …
Last night a blind chick came up to me and asked me out. I said I was seeing someone.
Continue ReadingFacebook: The only place …
Facebook: The only place I can poke my own Mother and not feel awkward the next morning…
Continue ReadingA stunning blonde, in bre …
A stunning blonde, in breath taking extremely tight jeans is walking down the street. A guy, looking at her with his tongue on his shoes, asks her: ‘I’m very sorry, but I just need to know… How does one ever get in those pants? ‘Well’, she said, ‘you could start with offering me a drink…’
Continue ReadingIm a perverted, diabetic, …
Im a perverted, diabetic, dyslexic, so I cant eat knickers.
Continue ReadingWe have a tradition at ou …
We have a tradition at our factory where any new apprentice is stripped naked and held down whilst their body is smothered in used engine oil. It’s probably outdated in this day and age, but it’s just a bit of harmless fun really, and the majority of apprentices take it in good faith. Except Sarah.
Continue ReadingCleavage is the only thin …
Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Continue ReadingI used to hang around wit …
I used to hang around with a shy rock but now hes a little boulder
Continue ReadingMy friend recently sent m …
My friend recently sent me a ‘chain letter’ so I decided to show you all our email conversation – “if u dnt snd this chain 2 10 people in the next hour u will see a dead gurl in ur bedroom tonight’ “Oh great! She’ll fit in nicely with the other two there!”
Continue ReadingI don’t think this is the …
I don’t think this is the first time a Hatiian Witchdoctor has put a spell on me. I’ve got this terrible feeling of de ja voodoo.
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