I’m a big fan of blonde b …
I’m a big fan of blonde beer. It’s just like normal beer, only much thicker.
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I was asked to say a word …
I was asked to say a word about my wife at her funeral. I went for “Dead”.
Continue ReadingA Social Worker was being …
A Social Worker was being mugged with a gun to his head. The mugger said, ‘your money or your life!’ The Social Worker replied, ‘I’m sorry, I’m a Social Worker so I have no money or life.’
Continue ReadingIf I ever have an acciden …
If I ever have an accident that paralyses me, I want to have a hard-on at the time.
Continue ReadingFound a load of glue on m …
Found a load of glue on my doorstep this morning. Don’t know who it belongs to, guess I’m stuck with it now.
Continue ReadingI said to my girlfriend ” …
I said to my girlfriend “Why do the stupidest guys get the prettiest girlfriends?” and she said “Aw, thanks.” I think I’ve missed something.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend was tel …
My new girlfriend was telling me about how she left her ex as he was a serial cheater. I thought to myself “…i wonder if he knows Tony the tiger from Frosties”
Continue ReadingAccording to news reports …
According to news reports, the esteemed adventurer Scott Campbell Smith was captured by cannibals in the Gambia and pushed into a boiling pot of water to which salt, pepper and many herbs were added. A fitting end for a seasoned explorer…
Continue ReadingI felt this girl’s left b …
I felt this girl’s left breast the other day. She was disgusted, but at least I knew her heart was in the right place.
Continue ReadingI have three jokes to pos …
I have three jokes to post about a jewel, a lettuce and some sweets, but I might save those gems for later.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend insisted on …
My girlfriend insisted on going to the art gallery so I went along with it and after an hour looking at pictures I called her over and said, “What about this one?” “Are you serious?” “Yeah, it’s the best one I’ve seen yet.” “If you don’t want to be here, then leave.” “When did I […]
Continue ReadingThe teacher asked, ” Can …
The teacher asked, ” Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” “Well,” one alert pupil answered, “the days are much longer in summer.
Continue ReadingSinging Lessons….40 Pin …
Singing Lessons….40 Pink Dress….80 Hotel for the night….110 Taxi to studio….15 The look on her face when Ant says ‘we don’t have time to do it again’ PRICELESS! There’s some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s Hollie Steel.
Continue ReadingI was driving along the o …
I was driving along the other day and I saw a sign saying ‘Keep your eyes on the road’. I’m sat there thinking, how can I keep my eyes on the road if I’m reading the sign?
Continue ReadingMy 13.00 Shoe Zone shoes …
My 13.00 Shoe Zone shoes for work seem to be failing on me dramatically already. l’ll be lucky to get through the working day on them. The 6 year old who made them obviously hasn’t had sufficient training or was slacking on that particular day. I will be following this up with customer services so […]
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